ooo it's michael jacksons bday.

oh well.

it has been 5 months since i commissioned.

and about 5 more till i end my service.

and ive lost touch

with all the tactical combat stuff already.

i guess im very much less of a soldier

but more of a manager.

for i am an instructor (all the "commander" here "commander" there bullshit).

only the privilleged rare few better cadets

got the chance to be a real soldier.

im not complaining though.

im in the majority.

and i guess the grass is always greener on the other side.

it's a different kind of experience in all.

but i dont think a mediocre cadet

would necessarily make a lousy officer.

but just what

is a good officer?

it could be self consolation,

it could be jealousy

or it could really be a fact,

mixed with the above two.

i set out with an aim when i enlisted,

and this aim changed with time.

aims became goals.

reachable.

others

fell through the fingers.

they change.

too many and too cumbersome

to list all.

at least

i lead this life now with a purpose.

no matter how slight.

being an instructor is good.

i can mould lives.

but deep inside,

as like everyone else,

i yearn for more.

we all want to be better

to show the rest tat we are capable of more,

of greater things.

being an officer

is probably just a general platform.

being a good officer

is probably something we can all get to.

but being a real good combat officer

is something not many dare to take on

yet thirst for.

it may even take years for the majority

who dont have an express route.

being a big fish

in a small pond is nice and comfortable.

being a small fish

in a big pond is ordinary.

being a mediocre fish

in a big sea can raise eyebrows.

but being a big fish

in an ocean is impressive.

time has been so packed

and hectic

that i hadnt had much time to consider such stuffs anymore.

the upcoming posting

will be like a second chance for people like me.

but ultimately

underneath it all

i am still a big fish in a small pond.

nonetheless

i get to upgrade my worth and wealth.

something not everyone

has the opportunity to.