back to a place.

where i have no longing

but i have a responsibility.



where i have no potential

but i have opportunities.



where it is relentless

but it is pivotal.


back to a place

where i have a duty to accomplish.

“I believe there's a hero in all of us that keeps us honest,gives us strength,makes us noble,and finally allows us to die with pride,even though sometimes we have to be steadyand give up the thing we want the most.Even our dreams.”

really

you just work

and work

and work
and work

and work
and work.

day in

day out

you just work

and work
and more work.

no one stopped by

to say

thank you

or

go rest

or

you did enough.

because

to everyone else

it's never enough.

people are always thinking that

they are always doing more than others.

and then

people get their priorities wrong.

and tempers flare.

at times

there is no control

no coordination

no centralised decision.

all ad hoc

autonomous

mood variated.

but then

you just work

and work

and work

and work.

because you know you have to.

because there are people out there

depending on you.

and so you work

and work
and work.

you try alot to control your temper

to prevent spoiling the day.

because the show must go on.

and then there are glitches to solve.

but the show will go on.

you know that there are people helping you

to the best of their ability.

you know there are still some who follow your charge.

but

you also know

there are some

who put in only adequate effort

to clear their responsibilities.

but you do not blame them.

all blame will be directed to you

which is correct

since you are the one organising and executing and coordinating.

you are responsible for every activity, movement and fault.

and so you work

and work

and work.

and you realise

there are also some who will hypnotise you.

you think you have friends.

but

you are never sure

who those friends really are.

there is always one

or two

who will walk

by your side.

but it's not fair

for them to always

trail your trail.

they get tired too.

but there are no willing replacements.

but you still work

and work
and work
and work.

because you know ultimately

you will answer for your own conduct.

your name is at stake.

so you work

and work.

after hours.

after dark.

rest time

you still work.

because you know you have to.

and then

everyone gets frustrated.

just one spark

to ignite the explosion.

and then

here comes the opportunity seekers.

"i am an angel in the devil's lair!"

but you still have to work

and work
and work

and work.

like a god damn forsaken

dog.

i feel so tired.

i wished i had more time.

i wished i did not have to do anything.

i wished i could stop and just see the world pass me by.

i wished someone would understand.

i wished to know of someone who is worse off than me.

i wished i could do something else.

but i know i cant.

it has been one long year.

it has been two even longer years.

soon it will be three before i know it.

i wished i had more energy to see myself through.

i wished i have more positivity inside.

i wished life would get better.

i feel so tired.

all the while

i had known

that reality dont meet ideals.

but i also know

that i can close that margin.

but sometimes

i just need

to get away

from all of that

retreat to a slower quieter less stressful place.

but

time is so limited.

im tired.

some things

just dont change.

no matter

how much you think that you can forget it

or how much you try to believe that it's over.

it never will be.

i can hardly describe

the feeling inside now.

i think i understand

but i dont think i do

by virtue of the fact

that i think that im thinking that i understand.

it's quite a feeling.

makes one more human again.

"like how much you..."