sometimes

it's either

you get too idealistic

or you've seen better things

and thus

you become unsatisfied,

to so much an extent

that

you find things around you disgusting

disgraceful

and all things bad.

but then again

you aint that perfect

wonderful

supreme either.

so does that give you

any right to complain?

and then

like always

you start to lose faith

and feel that

all the pomp is not as great as they make it out to be.

so what can be done, you ask.

go with the flow,

take the easy route out.

or

busy yourself

be unafraid to communicate and interact,

though it will make you feel repulsive.

but then

without learning, getting scolded and working

you will never learn

and never be able to avoid the mistakes

that you have seen so far.

now,

you can take this 2 years as an extra curricular activity

simply to pass time

like what many are doing.

or

you can start thinking

like a responsible citizen.

you are a little torn between the two.

the first as always

sounds hugely tempting

but

after listening to those people who matter

and being the so-deep-in-thought self

you kinda want to make sure your two years work out,

and further equip you for the unexpected future.

______________________________________

returned from dump in yesterday morning.

my feet stink.

going to tom yam land next sunday.

the subsequent days will be superbly messy.

as usual.

just feeling alittle disturbed

and ill prepared.

merry xmas.

again.

i feel the same

listlessness

irritation

dissatisfaction

and emptiness inside.

block leave is ending

and it's back to camp.

i have the urge again.

the urge

to break free

and soar.

A celebration of personal mastery.

71/08 commissioned yesterday.

many friends

from all the arms were there.

received alot of angbaos too.

when the peak caps flew,

you could feel it.

everyone could.

all the ooooohss and aaaahhs preceding the throw

resonated throughout the grand stand,

without fail

at every commissioning parade.

the tears

frustration

and chore

that accumulated from the ardously long 9 1/2 months

all exploded in a supernova of jubilation last night.

for a moment

safti was rid of all gloom.

for all that matters,

the denial of an early book out

and the menial chores

were effortless.

yesterday was theirs.

21 march

will be

MINE.



________________
faster, further, stronger.

back

for xmas.