i feel

hurt

blinded

listless

let down

insulted

and lonely.

it's retribution.

i wish

i could stay

in miniskirt land

forever.

or fall asleep

and continue dreaming

till eternity.

i

HATE

it here.

it's annoying.

the moment i land,

all the previous worries come rushing back.

shall talk about

my dream of

marrying off to japan

when im in the mood.

for now,

its byebye spore

and hello japan.

be back in 8 days.

i wanna die.

i never wanted

something

more.

they sent us

to the front.

they said it'd be easy.

just kidnap the man

set the charges

and run.

but we got trapped.

it was an ambush.

they never

never

NEVER

GODDAMN

INTENDED FOR US

TO MAKE IT OUT OF THERE.

now im all alone.

they sent me to hell.

and they simply

brush it aside.

waiting for it to just disappear

and fade out of the books.

im a victim.

they killed me.

sometimes,

i really wished

that i was science inclined.

in a society like ours,

we don't have

the luxury

time

nor money to pursue

something we like

and still earn enough

to feed ourselves.

suddenly,

i feel

let down,

again.

sometimes

it's easier

and better

to live

in

dreams.

ohmigod

i just watched 8 episodes

of pb3

ahhhh.

okay.

im talking to myself again.

i like the night.

im sleeping later

and later

and later.

and waking up

often pass noon.

i like to turn up

the volume on the comp at this time.

but everytime

my bro comes back

i have to turn it off

for fear

of him mocking my choice of songs.

nights set me thinking.

a pity,

the nights are incredibly short.

damn.

now i wish

i could enlist soon.

it's funny

how things seem to

make their way to you

no matter what.

but its like something

without an end.

only a start.

time that i give in.

i wish

and hope

and even dream

about it in dreams.

if only life's

as obliging.

i return home.

and all of a sudden,

everything became so



open ended.

there was nothing

to look forward to.

there wasn't

anyone at home.

there were no calls,

no messages,

no nothing.

suddenly,

i have all the time

in the world.

yet

nothing to occupy them.

there wasn't any feeling

during prom,

after prom,

during post prom,

and after post prom,

save for the

more than often

toilet urges.

suddenly then,

time passed so quickly.

and

dawn came.

as quickly as time passed,

it came to a slow.

and then sped up again.

chalet came and went.

it was like i never went.

only remnants are the

fading crotch ache

and a bad stomach

as well as a distant nagging.

all these

are just illusions.

and then

everything revert to normalcy.

yet

it feels so strange.

and where are you?

can't you be accomodating for once?

i haven't asked for anything

have i?

now all i ask

is for you to be materially around.

i'm irritated.

when are you coming home?

after tomorrow?

please let you be safe,

i pray.

has something happened?

gosh.

i feel so helpless.

i haven't seen you

in a good four days.

the nights

are getting harder

and harder to endure.

you entered without warning,

and now

i guess you're gonna leave

without saying goodbye either.

i guess you're done

with me.

but you'll be back again,

when you feel like.

and then

probably leave once more.

maybe you're right,

we're from different worlds.

you don't want

to be seen,

because you feel

you won't be able to find

eternal happiness,

permanent protection

or an everlasting hinterland.

if i were in your world,

i'd probably feel as such.

what an irritating place

the world is,

or rather,

the worlds are.