time

to claw out of this hell of a shit hole.

life used to be so complicated

but easier.

now, its simpler

but harsher, tougher and less secure.

so unfocussed.

maybe the distraction proved too much to handle.

i need a reformatting of the mind.

extraordinary things always happen to me.

most

arent

pleasant.

ill protect whoever who comes along

with all my life

and make her the luckiest , safest and happiest gal

in the whole world.

i swear.

in memory of a special friend,

who'd been hurt so badly.

im a stubborn old fart.

never learn.

stupidly persistent.

i lost the two things

that mattered most to me

in the same week.

and im getting fat.

okay make that three.

music is my only respite.

what's the next worse thing

after a heart break?

the passing of it.

such bitterness

is hard to swallow.

sometimes life can get so unfair

that the whole black white

good bad spectra is overturned

and those stories they tell you

that tomorrow will be a better day

and there's forever hope in life

will appear to be definite gibberish

and nonsense.

maybe adam shouldnt have met eve

and eaten the apple or anything.

maybe its a social problem

that many simple choose to ignore.

maybe its just some people's utter bad luck.

maybe its just in some peoples blood

to harm and strangle others

void them of all rights to live a happy

and untainted life.

why is it a dog eat dog world,

just for the sake of inflicting pain on others?

wheres the justice and hope

and salvation and peace

and joy and love in this screwed up world?

where?

just because man can create all those,

means that

man can take every of those away as he pleases?

wheres the responsibility

then self control

the sympathy for others

that himself advocates so strongly?

people can be so strong

yet so weak under such circumstances.

but its so unfair

that life shortchanged him.

why??????

no one can understand that feeling

unless he has experienced it for himself

or seen it happen on someone he cares dear.

i really really pray for salvation

to come soon,

like NOW.

Hope dangles on a string

Like slow spinning redemption.

i hate exams.

especially jc ones.

so much anxiety

and pressure.

and after that

everything just goes blank.

well done.

never felt better,

never felt like a shit ass fool before.

i have a sudden

craving for prawns.

time rots

ones self esteem.

i think my brain is rotten too.

something's missing.

what?

i think

im allergic

to air.

im gonna hide

myself under the bed

and board the sides up.

wait.

there'll still be air.

ahhhhh.