it was all a hoax.

hadnt you been warned before?

nothing good will come out

of the unholy.

oh god

just give it up and move on baby.

itll never happen.

i was defeated

by the sole thing

that propelled success.

such irony.

goodbye world.

i shall see you in the next eternity.

why the hell did it turn out like that

going at this rate

id be dead at the year's end.

its probably not a measure

of how well youd fare in life

but it defines the immediate future.

sigh.

oh just tell me what happened.

i miss them.

the council seniors.

shuhuivivienzhimin.

i have friends

but those who really care are hard to find and wish for.

up till today

i have no idea why they had so much faith in me

ive never thought that i was strong enough

to carry such weights.

i miss them.

our charlie pc and apc.

chinghowguohui.

they make ncc all so fun.

they are the two whom ill always salute

in and out of uniform.

i miss them.

finally i could say this,

i miss disco.

fungminfaithjeepoh,

the original three.

after the 24th

disco never seemed the same anymore.

i miss them.

my butt smacking platoonmates.

too many to mention,

even more memories to hold.

i miss them.

my juniors and cadets.

ziyangzhihong n gang.

my fav jnr too.

im in a god damn gay mood tonight.

i dont care

coz this doesnt come often anymore.

i miss them all like hell.

i need my packet of scotts.

i have no idea

how im gonna cope

and ace in the end.

im so god damn distracted

by things that shouldnt be around

and by the usual sleeping disease.

now i really lament studying for exams

like really lament.

i dont feel the pressure to do well

the animal spirit (sounds familiar, hmm)

to beat others flat.

could a curse

and a blessing.

i feel that ive moulted

out of my old skin.

im talking more about myself

but feel less for myself.

im no longer as feeling towards others

what others do or say

do not affect me that much anymore.

i couldnt care less about my results now

though its the ONLY thing to back me up.

i find it easier to talk to

and understand others.

i feel kinder

and more evil at the same time.

i feel more at ease.

i feel bitched.

damn,

im one confused pos.

i have no god damn idea

what im in for.

and have no god damn idea

what the god damn hell

im studying about.

the god damn deal is

im god damn pissed

and im making life a god damn hell.

and im god damn annoyed at how

god damn things have got.

i have no god damn aim

all i god damn know

is to not screw the god damn blocks.

im sick of being such a god damn shitload

of trash.

i wanna god damn screw ppl down

trample them under my boots

scold their frightened little asses off

their god damn trousers

and god damn call myself king

god damn it.

i am god damn lazy

and getting god damn lazier

and this god damn freaking world doesnt care

about who lives or dies

or god damn bother about who gtes screwed or not

coz this god damn shitsville

is a god forsaken god damn base of trash.

im god damn pissed

and just got god damn pisser

my days are getting shorter

and nights

longer.

time is running so fast

and my mind never seem

to get a rest.

shoot me in the head

and let me sleep,

even if its 5 minutes

or a quarter

or even 10 secs,

itll all do fine.

its better than an eternal

mechanical

rusty piece of clockwork.

oh

id be damned

for habouring such thoughts.

a proposal of indecency

and a prowl for the golden coin.

a matter of choice,

but a choice of sorts.

god

i shldnt be thinking of all this

the least i need now

is distraction from another world.

amazing



how new things



can get ur mind



off the old stuff so easily.



well i guess



its more of addiction



than a slight interest.



and its quite tiring



to try to study everyday.



slow torment.



its feels quite nice



to be caught in between



fantasy



and what's real.



though too much



will



make you all hung up high in wonder.

its like

talking to my toes