i used to so bothered

about how i would appear in front of others.

it was so tiring.

everyday

i would feel guilty

about not being able to live up to expectations.

so tired, so tired.

so i told myself,

when i come to college,

i would never want to busy myself with all the unsurmountable tasks

and ever demanding roles

and that i want to be the back seat passenger for once.

and so i got what i wanted.

however,

there are only three things in the universe that are ever increasing,

human lust, greed and stupidity.

i realised i could never be satisfied with myself.

after sliding into a slumber for so long,

i feel restless and itching for a fight.

a long, good fight.

but it has been so long since i ever even felt like wanting to win,

so long so long.

so long that i think ive lost all courage and will

to fight for what i want.

i just retreat into the shadows,

waiting for others to take my place.

im a heap of a trash now.

im utterly disappointed.

my beast has been tamed,

and maimed.

has the world changed so much

that the mentality and workings of yesteryear

become totally irrelevant?

or have i changed

till i couldnt care less?

i used to want to be an ordinary person,

but i realised,

no one would want to be mere ordinary.

humans are greedy,

full of lust

and are hopelessly stupid.

my god.