why should i lower myself to such levels

just to please people?

i shall revert to my intelligent self.

ahhh

two more weeks.

stressseddd.

haish.

my knee is giving way.

dont die now.

i used to so bothered

about how i would appear in front of others.

it was so tiring.

everyday

i would feel guilty

about not being able to live up to expectations.

so tired, so tired.

so i told myself,

when i come to college,

i would never want to busy myself with all the unsurmountable tasks

and ever demanding roles

and that i want to be the back seat passenger for once.

and so i got what i wanted.

however,

there are only three things in the universe that are ever increasing,

human lust, greed and stupidity.

i realised i could never be satisfied with myself.

after sliding into a slumber for so long,

i feel restless and itching for a fight.

a long, good fight.

but it has been so long since i ever even felt like wanting to win,

so long so long.

so long that i think ive lost all courage and will

to fight for what i want.

i just retreat into the shadows,

waiting for others to take my place.

im a heap of a trash now.

im utterly disappointed.

my beast has been tamed,

and maimed.

has the world changed so much

that the mentality and workings of yesteryear

become totally irrelevant?

or have i changed

till i couldnt care less?

i used to want to be an ordinary person,

but i realised,

no one would want to be mere ordinary.

humans are greedy,

full of lust

and are hopelessly stupid.

my god.

ive been having bad dreams lately.

last night,

i dreamt that all my teeth fell out.

and someone stole something important from me.

but on second thoughts,

he couldnt have possibly done so.

so i'll just have to worry

about my falling teeth.

yesterday was the best day of the week,

the month

and probably

two months.

yu tse said

dont keep thinking bout the future

and tomorrow

or even one minute later,

because then you'll never be able

to enjoy the moment.

i think when you do something

without any distractions and

za nian,

you'll just lose yourself in it,

and enjoy every moment of it.

yeah baby

tkd was HIGHness.

finally,

one productive trg session.

*CHINS* to gaobin.

zzz

back tothe books.

apparently my mind doesnt

coincide with my bio chrono.

its hours ahead.

its tiring.

the physicst says

that one year from now

you wont remember

all the hardship that you went through.

so why not just throw yourself into the pits

and impale yourself onto the sharpened poles.

true.

no matter how painful and bloody and gory,

wounds will eventually heal.

all that will be left are nothing more than battle scars

and war throphies.

good news will always be followed my bad ones.

i resign to fate.

im a master of my own destiny,

no more.

it's a GOLD.

well done guys.

girls did exceedingly well too.

our dream,

a reality.

finally

something to get my throbbing head off things.

yea baby

finally got a new pair of shoes

to replace my dead asics.

it's week 4 already.

time to reboot and make a come back.

hmm

i think i need a shrink.

The Great Embarrassment.

Fall, falling, fell, fallen.

i need a bed of roses,

some ocean scented sheets

and a piece of white veil,

to cover my fallen soul.

im chasing after nought.

would you sacrifice happiness

for a more-than-ordinary life?

or be happy

at the cost of a moderate life?

nothing's going right for me.

the status quo has changed.

and i do not know if i should rejoice or lament.

jiawei just rammed his heel into my stomach.

i can still feel the after shocks.

jiawei,

you're mine to finish.

i'll die another day.

today is a BAD BAD day.

why can't people be less nasty

and life be less complicated?

i think ill feel better off drunk.

im desensitised.

no longer a protagonist of superhero stories.

maybe ive lost all convictions from society.

it's now a one man world

with no one to back you up.

from zero to numero uno,

its defeating to try to act meek

because all that ego and militant devotion

built up over the years are hard to shrug off.

ive learnt that there's no point

in trying to remould the world,

becuase at the end of it all

no one is really going to give a hoot.

superheroes in stories are just conjured up

to fill in the emptiness felt by the writer.

they are insecure and unconfident.

however many a times,

the fairy tale bashing person

is the one who feels exactly as such.



it's so unfeeling.



strayed.

why?